Marriage on Pause: How Sloth Hurts Relationships

Dwayne and Laura came to see Dawna initially at the request of Laura's physician, who was concerned over her excessive weight gain and high blood pressure; he believed that unless she learned to reduce her stress and control her diet, she might develop more serious complications.

Dawna noticed that Dwayne was also overweight. He made a point that he was not inclined to pursue a health regimen that included diet and exercise. "You only go around once," he said with an awkward laugh. "I mean, right? Why shouldn't I enjoy the time I have?"

Laura responded with irritation. "I have been with Dwayne now for nearly eight years. That's his attitude about everything. The thing is, he is so lazy that he doesn't make any effort to help me with things like cleaning our apartment. He says he’s willing to help but that it's my job to tell him what to do."  Laura raised her voice in inflection at the end, as if questioning the sanity of her husband.

Dwayne defended himself by blaming his wife. "My wife is a dear, sweet woman but she is not as energetic as she's trying to make herself out to be. She sleeps more than 12 hours every night and only gets up right at the last minute to get the kids ready for school."

The Magi in this Sunday's Gospel are marked by their diligence in searching for the Christ child. Whatever we do in life requires effort. In a marriage, everything we do is to be at the service of our spouse, and our relationship. We are called to be diligent in our vocation but sometimes we fall into sloth.

The slothful person chooses not  to work at their marriage because of the effort it takes to do it. Sloth ruins relationships when it slows down and even brings to a halt, the energy we must expend in maintaining our marriages. In theology, sloth describes a spiritual malaise, a refusal to take the action needed to love others as themselves. While the slothful do little or no active evil, they squander their talents, time and energy instead of putting it to work for their family.

Does your marriage ever suffer from sloth?

Read more about Laura and Dwayne's struggle in The Slothful Marriage, one of the chapters of our book, Climbing the Seven Story Mountain. What do we do about sloth? Read another chapter, Suppressing Sloth.