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Marital Sustainability

Mark was working in our yard with a new friend who was giving him much needed advice on dealing with poison ivy, poison oak, Japanese honeysuckle, and other invasive plants that colonized large parts of the lawn of our (then) new house.


Our friend had been surprised to learn that we were Catholic, and he had clearly been thinking about it because he suddenly announced, "I think of myself as spiritual, I'm just not religious."


"I'm religious because I'm not spiritual," Mark responded. Left to himself, he explained, he tended to be self-centered to a fault. Practicing Christianity pushed him to focus on the good of others, which made him a better husband, father, and friend. It sustained him in his commitment to Dawna when his inclinations were to focus on himself.


The more we give of ourselves, the more we must replenish. Sometimes our marriage sustains us. But sometimes we have to sustain our marriage. When those times come, what sustains us?


"I am the vine, and you are the branches," Jesus says in this week's Gospel. A branch by itself withers and dies, but a branch that is part of a vine is healthy and bears fruit.


Research shows that healthy relationships can reduce stress and improve your overall health and sense of well being. But those who have suffered childhood traumas, who enter relationships with fears and anxieties, who struggle with social skills or face other relationship challenges, must find sources of energy to help them establish, grow, and maintain relationships.


We have traveled the world, and we have lived extended periods in Egypt, India and Luxembourg.  We have friends with great marriages who are Hindu and Muslim, as well as Coptic, Orthodox and various Protestant denominations of Christian. Our own focus has been on Catholic teachings about marriage because these are the ideas and concepts that offered guides and signposts and sometimes flashing warning signals in our own marriage, which as of this writing has lasted for forty years.



Image by Matthias from Pixabay

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