Avoiding Avarice In Your Marriage

Tom was a hardworking guy who proudly gave his wife a beautiful diamond pendant for their anniversary. He bought it in a duty-free shop while on a business trip. He was hurt and angry when his wife was less impressed by it than he thought she should be. To him, the pendant represented all the time and energy he poured into working to be able to buy such things for her. His wife, however, felt he was asking her to respond to the pendant as if he’d spent that same time and energy on her such as taking walks, and talking about their hopes and dreams--or even taking her shopping for jewelry!

In marriage, dealing with the deadly sin of avarice is rarely about wealth and goods as such; instead it is about all the ways material goods get in the way of your relationships. Avarice—greed—is an addiction to material things, striving for material goods in ways that get in the way of your relationships.

In Dante’s Purgatory, those who are overly obsessed with wealth -- both those who sin to accumulate it and those who spend wealth carelessly -- lie face-down on the hard rock floor, weeping and praying, confessing their greed and crying out examples of generosity, a virtue that should have been theirs. 

In marriage, avarice can take many forms. One common example, as in Tom's case above, is spouses who put their time and energy into making money so that they can be good providers and give nice things to their spouses. There is nothing wrong with giving your spouse nice gifts and a fine home, but not if it is at the expense of companionship and other expressions of love and support. Avarice often cloaks itself as a virtue, the virtue of caring for the spouse and family.

The reverse also occurs. There are spouses who push their husbands or wives to work harder so that they can enjoy the products of that labor. In doing so, they may deny the hardworking spouse the benefits of companionship and other expressions of love.

But the real threat of avarice comes from substituting love of money and the things it can buy, for the love of persons.

In our book Climbing the Seven Story Mountain, we have a chapter on Avoiding Avarice. It includes a discernment to see if your marriage suffers from avarice, and four concrete steps you can take to move from avarice to generosity in your relationship.